The DS is on my desk (inside the Pakkun carrying case I got @ Comic-con for playing the new Naruto Wii game) is just waiting for me to play. One hour and four minutes of this madness left to go.
Here’s an excerpt from Laurie Perry’s blog , CrazyAuntPurl (November 23, 2006):
Always, always hold onto the diary you kept during the bad year. Years. Months. One day you look back on it, want to reach backward in time and love yourself, tell yourself it gets better. (It does get better, evidenced by the fact you no longer write diary entries WITH DIALOGUE. Freak.) You don’t lie anymore because the truth isn’t that shameful, after a while.
And cats love your frozen pizza Thanksgiving. And you finally know compassion after you thought you’d gone plum crazy. Keep that diary, trust me. Even if it contained, uh, dialogue.
I just recently discovered her blog when I was on the internet trying to re-learn knitting. Currently she’s going around promoting her book, which is very inspiring to me. When I read her entries, I could definitely relate to, well, actually most of it. It’s a comfort to know that my suffering is neither special nor unique. Because you know, when you make all that suffering unique to YOU, instead of just something people experience, that’s when you can’t get out of it. And she’s definitely gotten out of it.
Anyway, looking at her blog reminded me of my blogs during and after my divorce. Unfortunately I’m very, um…kamikaze with my blogs. Every time I think I’m moving into a new phase, whether good or bad, I nuke everything in sight, including profiles on social networking sites. All the brilliance and wit that came out of that. HA. I could never write some of those gems again. My writing just sux more n more and more every day. BLEH. Now I just glorify various products and entertainment items because that’s all that really is inspiring right now. If only they would just pay me…
So I encourage you to read Laurie Perry’s book, Drunk, Divorced and Covered in Cat Hair: The True-Life Misadventures of a 30-Something Who Learned to Knit After He Split. I’ll provide a link later.
No I wasn’t paid to talk about this book.I actually haven’t read it yet, so I ackshooly (actually in lolspeak), I won’t be too pushy about encouraging you to read. Though it might be cool to discuss the thing after reading it. Too bad I haven’t completely taught myself to knit yet, this would be good stitch and bitch material.
I AM however, coming closer and closer to wanting to commit to the responsibility of having a cat. Spending lots of time on PetFinder.
In other news, I’ve been having lots of long conversations with my plant. NOt all of them, just one. The golden pothos that insists her name is kitty. (An indicator that I’m going crazy.) She is very kind and sweet and tells me to water the other plants. Apparently she is their spokesplant. She also likes to give beauty tips. And she’s very insightful about human nature. The plant is in great favor of me getting a cat.
Uhm. Okay. I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that this whole plant conversation thing is just a manifestation of some inner part of myself that needs to take care of me and of other plants and perhaps people. Because quite frankly, I’ve never been so far from caring and nurturing in my entire life.
Lately I’ve been like this: If someone tells me they will shoot themselves, I’m likely to give them the gun. If someone tells me they are a loser, I’m inclined to agree wholeheartedly and throw in a few other choice names. If I got 3 sandwiches and someone comes up to me and says they are hongry, I’ll go, awwww, so sad to hear that and walk away. If the lady at work is recycling bottles for extra money, I throw the bottles in the recycling bin in another building and hide them beneath lots of cardboard. I think I’m only nice to plants and animals these days. I hope this isn’t forever, but, you see why it’s probably best that contact with me is limited to an hour at a time, or while you are drunk or unconscious. Sucks, but it’s the current mode of living…
BAAAAH Back to work!!!!
Remember that song?? I heard it this morning on the radio. And so it is.
Being back at work is almost like a new thing. And although I still hate it, it’s nice not to be stuck in bed for no good reason except for wallowing. It just took me 15 minutes to find my post-its, which were right in front of me where they usually are. Probably because I only slept for an hour. I only have insomnia when I have work the next day. So I was scrubbing my kitchen and living room floor at 1 in the morning.
Note the Post-Its in their proper place in front of me and the lack of a proper supply of band-aids, which I need more of.
My bookmarks at work are also more complete than my bookmarks at home. I have them on my 5 GB USB drive with my PortableApps. Maybe I should just use one of those social bookmarking sites, like Digg or del.icio.us, but I am not social, and stuff like MySpace makes me sick. How ghetts. That’s what I say. GHETTS.
I go on social networking sites that are less popular, which is kind of self-defeating, I know. But the thing about the less popular sites is that that the content is actually interesting. Like Zaadz, or goodreads or last.fm…there’s a point to it. It has less to do with drama. Yeah I hate drama and emotionality, which is weird because, yes, I am emotional and have lots of inner drama. Only explanation for that is that I have enough inner drama of my own to power the world for a few generations. Any more will make my head asplode. [Yes. I'm beginning to speak LOLcat. I am noting the transformation here. ] That’s why I’m drawn to stability. And sometimes, stability is hermitting and not leaving your bed for 4 days. I sure know how to make stability sound crazy.
I am hungry right now, but I guess that’s what mints are for.
It’s almost 7 pm. I am still here.
Feel a bit better after turning on some music with lyrics I don’t understand. I have every Putumayo CD I could get my hands on…which is a lot…I think I have at least 20. Nah more than that. It is now on shuffle on my iPod. I explained in a previous post that I listen to this music because I have no memories connected to any of the music. Plus it’s a bonus that I don’t understand any of the lyrics. I am enjoying Israel Kamakawiwo’ole’s Facing Future CD. It has the medley of Somewhere Over the Rainbow and What a Wonderful World that I love so much. Yeah I know. Hawaii stuff. Dangerous territory. Unfortunately the islands are also a source of peace for me, despite everything…a peace I crave, a peace that’s somewhere under all the layers of fuck. What the hell happened?
I guess work will start tomorrow. Not so happy about that since there were a ton of things I needed to do that I never did and now there will be no time. My own fault.
Well since I’m totally screwed might as well do an experiment!!! I will either stay away from anyone who I feel uneasy around (difficult at work since every one who works there is like a Summer’s Eve…douche). If I can’t avoid them, I will call them out and state as simply as possible, my problem with them. And then there are the people who are ambiguously troubling…you don’t have a problem with them really, but then you realize they are being evasive or shady, but you can’t pinpoint. Just avoid them as much as possible and move to hack them out of your life.
There. That’s a plan.
The recommended blender from the qigong workshop is the Blendtec 3 horsepower blender. It’s featured on the Will It Blend website. It’s a good thing I can’t afford such a blender, I need to get rid of my bags of Salvation ARmy stuff and the temptation will be too great.
…directly corresponds to the amount of wallowing that I’m doing.
All the LOLcats I’m looking at are making me crave cheezburgers. I can haz cheezburger?
I guess all I did was play games on my DS. I played, that new Legend of Zelda hourglass game, a couple of Naruto games, Purrpals and I named my cat Anahita after a cat that has passed away that I loved very very much. I played Brainage 2, and also that one, Flash Focus where you train your eyes.
Other than that, my hair is still a birdsnest and I’m debating disappearing for Thanksgiving and not going to Maui. Only thing that I feel like doing for sure is going to the Sylvia Browne thing at the convention center on the 19th. And I have a birthday to go to next week.
It’s 2:13 AND I STILL haven’t gotten up. And it’s been this way for the past 4 days. Perhaps it’s karma for being hard on someone…
Hmm…How would I yell at myself if I were not me…? I probably would immediately cancel Maui. Stop being stupid and just do what I do without thinking all day about people that don’t give a shit about me unless they are unconscious or intoxicated. Or I’ve won the lottery. Am I that boring? And start hanging out with people that actually like being around me.
I’m also seriously thinking about getting my own cat, so I can give up on stoopy hoooomins.
I look like this cat, except my hair is all tangled in knots in a sort of Medusa-like way. Haven’t left my bed for 3 days except to eat a frozen burrito and use the bathroom. I didn’t even bother getting up to chit-chat with Mailman Richard when he yelled “Miss Jennifer!!!! Are you home??” I just yelled from the bed to dump any packages in front of my door. And he did. I reveal this, only to bring myself enough shame to get me out of bed tomorrow.
On my doorstep. I found another one of these flowers underneath one of the chairs in the kitchen, where kitties like to sleep. I think they are from the kitties. Even though they don’t visit as often as they used to…I wonder where they came from, I don’t know these flowers…
It’s sad here without the kitties around.
I hear them outside, but they don’t hang out with me as much. They act like they are visitors now, instead of like home. Stay for an hour and then meow to leave…
I think instead of getting upset on my blog, I’ll just post LOLcats until I feel better.
http://english.people.com.cn/200602/17/eng20060217_243641.html
