It has been a very long time since I last was able to remember my dreams. I used to have a vivid dreamworld that I always remembered the next day. Lately it has been non-existent. Last night I had TWO dreams that are probably meaningful. One is pretty straightforward, having to do with my “Burn the bridges” campaign. The other was weird and disturbed me, but I think it’s supposed to mean something. I should’ve written all this down earlier, but I’m suffering from the cleansing headaches.
The first, is the weird one that I don’t understand:
I was with my sister trying to accomplish something. It’s like we were either in a storefront or classroom or something…then I remembered my best friend from elementary school, Cassia. I’ve been thinking a lot about her lately because she was like a conscience for me. She kept me on track. She didn’t even pay attention to the bullies who had it in for me. She was just my friend who was steady and supportive. And always told me the right thing to do when I wasn’t doing it. When I was being dishonest, she would get me to tell the truth. I used to be so sad, because the bullies got everyone against me, even the teacher, that I’d threaten to kill myself on a daily basis. I’d do all kinds of weird crap. I’d eat pencils and plants that I thought were poisonous. But she always talked to me and made me feel like an important friend, despite everyone else. Even now, I admire her integrity as a person.
Back to the dream…suddenly I had a slip of paper. And it told me that the two people on the other side of that paper were already dead. That is why my attempts to find them have failed. The first person was Cassia and it said she died in 1998, her 5th grade picture was next to that statement. (I hope this is just serving as symbolism.) The other person was someone else I knew, but my memory doesn’t place them…I don’t remember if that person was a boy or a girl.
Suddenly Cassia was in the next room and I guess she was invisible to everyone else. She called to me and said she was helping me. She pointed at some fabulous high fashion boots displayed in an alcove. I could not even hope to own such an expensive and rare pair of boots. She says those are mine and they allow me to do great things. She is the guardian of the boots. I can take them when I want to use them. And she will advise me on their use if I feel like listening. Then she pointed to a mirror and said I can also gain advice from talking to this mirror. It was a very powerful mirror. I was afraid of the mirror. I mean, in my waking life, I dislike looking in mirrors in general…but I’m not AFRAID of them. I just don’t want to see what I look like. In the dream, I was deathly afraid of this mirror that is supposed to help me and advise me. No probs with boots…but mirrors? Maybe later….yeesh.
She kept asking me if I was ready. And I was like, for what? Apparently I have this alter ego, like I was Hannah Montana or something…(I’ve only ever seen that show once.) And this alter ego is powerful. And I guess, glamorous from the looks of the boots. She told me it’s time I did something…and I don’t remember the rest of the dream.
The next was about me burning my bridges with 2 people if a certain outcome happened as planned in my mind. I tied my relationships with two separate people into one bundle, the outcome of one affecting the other. Since they insisted I live this life completely objectionable to me. After I did it, I felt mildly uncomfortable and then I woke up. When I woke up, I felt REALLY bad and heartbroken. I still want to do this despite that. But at the same time, I have the feeling that I need to see how the world unfolds for me before concretely deciding to cut 2 people off at once. Sometimes people are so detached that they are unable to see or care how it munches up someone’s heart. I think people don’t understand that. So I’ve been around people who are more caring and less cut-throat, so I don’t have to become cut-throat in order to protect myself. Guess this dream makes me stop to think since lately, I’ve been actually enthusiastic about slicing off.
