I am self-disciplining myself with this post since it appears that I am developing into a person that:

1. Hates to write.

2. Hates to talk.

Yeah it’s like that right now. I figure it’s a combo of laziness, tiredness and thinking that communication in general is futile. What.

So I’m forcing myself to post just to gain momentum because I do want to write a lot. And I have sort of an urge to write a lot, BUT at the same time I have the attitude that communication is futile. Understanding is impossible. I’ll write more if I’m in a better mood. I guess in many things I still have to speak up for myself. But I don’t have that kind of energy right now. Or I don’t think I’m worth speaking up for.

Other areas of discipline:

• No caffeine
• (Alcohol doesn’t need to be controlled since I don’t enjoy it, but I need to feel free to decline it if someone is pushing it on me.)
• Platonic relationships only
• Don’t eat too much, eat less than you’re used to AND always take the most healthy alternative
• Set aside time to work on personal projects (this is the one that I’m doing the worst with)
• No makeup (OKAY. I went through a few months where I went from no makeup to encrusted mask, I’ve since taken off the layer of makeup and my skin looks better for it. It’s funny but when people used to ask me for beauty tips it was always not to wear makeup and just use baby powder. I completely forgot my own advice.)

Something in my head tells me that my life after this whole ordeal is going to be better. I don’t necessarily feel it. I just know it. I’m not particularly excited about it because I think a better life should’ve been here like yesterday…

Someone was irritating the hell out of me the other day because she was giving me unsolicited advice. Trying to help me with stuff she knew nothing about. Well I guess she wanted to help me. Currently I’m battling the world. I guess she sees that. See, but when I’m not in San Diego, I am not battling the world. The world is actually wonderful. So maybe I’m battling San Diego. To look on the bright side, a city is more manageable to battle than a whole world. I guess that makes me feel better.