I’m a day ahead, when I should be savoring what’s left of my vacation.  No I haven’t slept. Insomnia is back. I mean, if the insomnia MUST happen, then it should happen on Sunday night, not Thursday.

Everyone around me is so solemn and here I am to match. Here are the issues that people seem to be facing…the trends for the people around me:

• starting a normal holiday-free work week on Monday
• issues of authenticity–what’s real, what’s important in life–I guess people are making their resolutions

I just found the second one strange, because it seems everyone is experiencing this in some form or another and this wasn’t so greatly emphasized on other years. Just observing…no biggie.

Even though enjoying food and stuff with my family was nice this holiday, I honestly will be happy to get back to my normal more healthy diet. Every time I go back home to the food and restaurants I used to enjoy, I keep finding that they aren’t as good now as they were in my memory. Maybe my taste is changing. I’m also not enjoying the food in SD the same way I used to.

Yeah this is all just mental diarrhea from being up all night and dreading going back to the normal day-to-day. Eh. This is a venting space after all. And I’m trying to change my relationship with writing, which is slowly improving even if it’s just venting.  It’s almost like my relationship with singing. My goal is to make an audible sound, whether or not it is pretty, since my problem is more volume than anything. Once I can hear myself and feel comfortable making those sounds, I can refine it further.  Yeah first things first or whatever…bleeh. But I DO think this is mostly lack of sleep talking. And no, I’m not sleepy. I’m just tired and wired.

My Dad has switched from blasting Yanni to Neil Diamond. It’s cool and all, but I think I need to hear something else for a while…

I wonder if I have a place in the world…